sladkesny

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i'm so stressed out of my mind !!!

i'm trying to stay 'mindful' or whatever and just focus on the present, but my mind is swirling about thoughts of both the past and the future at the same time. i keep having horrible stress dreams about mean people from high school and everyone hating me because of something i can't fix. it sucks waking up and having that set the tone of the day. plus, i was supposed to have an internship/job on lock, but now my boss is being weirdly flaky and i might not have any internship or job at all, which i desperately need just to survive. i've been applying to other jobs in the area too, but since i'm leaving to go back to college in just a month and a half, i doubt anyone will hire me.
WHY IS LIFE SO HARD!! i don't want to have to make money to live a happy life. at least i have some good things to balance all this out, like the ep i'm working on and hanging out with some new friends this friday.
i'll figure something out.

so, i moved into new york city with my dad a couple of days ago now.

it feels good to be in a new place, especially in one so open to opportunity with my music and social stuff. a lot of my friends live here and i think i'll feel a lot more up to going out and about if there's people i trust that can come with me. i've been feeling kind of weird, though, emotionally. i've been dealing with it by cleaning, decorating my room, and reading a lot of manga. i started this blog to help keep track of those feelings and try to manage them, like an outlet of sorts. plus, i like looking back on old blog posts/diary entries later in life.
i think i'll try to implement a gallery and/or guestbook soon, and maybe try to make this blog a bit more fleshed out. i think working on webdev stuff is a good, productive use of time.
other than that, my life is pretty good, just in a bit of an odd place. i'll keep this blog as updated as i can given my schedule, which shouldn't be too bad until school starts up again.